Fire trucks

My apartment is one block from the (what I assume to be) central fire station. There are six garages that I'm almost certain are filled with six fire trucks. The quality of the trucks range fairly heftily. This one is my favourite. I hear the trucks at least once a day, which is scary as there are very, very few buildings with a fire escape. The traffic in UB is such that it can (and does; eg. yesterday) take up to an hour to drive about 4km. Vehicles, upon hearing the drone of the eeeeee-orrrrrrrrrrrrr, will make an attempt to move off the road. Unfortunately this amounts to not much as most vehicles drive on all parts of the road, side road, middle road and other side of the road.

Do not fear, my fellow followers. I have devised schemes. I didn't work in the mining industry for the last three years and gain no HSE sense.

Should a fire erupt in my apartment, I will grab my passport and jump out the window. We are only on the third floor which means gravity is on my side and should I fall, I will only break smaller/less essential bones such as arms and legs. If there is a car under the window, I will aim for the roof as that will save me an extra 2m of falling.

Should a fire get out of control in my office, I will calmly boot down the fire escape door and walk down the 6 flights of stairs whilst holding on to the hand rail (mainly because I'm not sure on the quality of the aforementioned stairs).

If I need an ambulance.... Well, that's a different story. One day when I catch a glimpse of one I'll get a photo of it. They resemble what could only be described as the equivalent of a Kombi van. But they're an old Russian vehicle painted white with what looks quite rudimentary gear inside. Basically I will stay out of harms way and if the need arrives for a ambulance, I shall count my lucky stars that I lasted that long without having to call one.

To mum and dad: I promise I won't ever need an ambulance; I will make it worthwhile and at least make them fly me out of here in a jet or a helicopter. xox